I feel horrible! I'll tell you why in a minute. First, I would like to let you know how Velani's first full week of school went. Good! Every time I ask her that is her response. I don't know if it's because she really hasn't learned something she doesn't know already or if that's really all she has to say about it. She doesn't say much about it and it frustrates me. I have to ask her questions and she still answers with a yes or a no. I can't wait 'til meet the teacher night, which is next Wednesday, to know what's been going on in school. She did teach me a couple of songs that she learned in music class and has told me about how she likes getting on this spin thingy at recess, but that's about it. Her glucose at school has been ok, not exactly steady like we'd like, but it's better than being low. She did go a little low yesterday before riding the bus back home, but the nurse called and told me about it and stuck with our plan. They have been great about calling me and letting me know how things are going with her.
Alright, now the rest of the blog will be about me and why I might get the "worst mother of the year" award and it's not a very nice and prestigious award by the way!
Monday morning I woke up at the usual time and did the usual things up until fixing Velani's hair. I promised myself before school started that I would actually take some time to fix her hair instead of just putting it up in a pony tail. She has the "thick hair" gene and a pony tail doesn't cut it because it would just fall off before lunch time. So I had seen this cute hairdo and I attempted to do it with plenty of time, so I thought. What's funny is I even told Velani, "We have to hurry and do your hair so we won't be late" and she said, "NO! YOU BETTER HURRY!" Before I knew it, it was time to go and I mean GO! I quickly grabbed Adan and strapped him on me and we started speed walking. I just have to go to the end of the street, but with 3 kids it's not all that easy. I saw the bus at the corner and thought we weren't gonna make it so I just started walking normally. Kids were still getting on so I told the girls to start running. Velani was tired and Mia was running, but her little legs were no match for my speed walking. I saw the doors close and thought oh well! but one of the mom's their saw me and waved to the bus driver and she waited for Velani. I was embarrassed!! but hey, I had a baby strapped on me and a 3 year old who really was trying to run fast, it's not easy I tell you!
Tuesday was fine.
Wednesday was ok, too.
Thursday wasn't all that great! Everything seemed to be fine that morning. It was time to start our walk to the bus stop and I had just finished feeding Adan and I noticed that Mia hadn't put on her shoes like I told her to. I knew we wouldn't make it on time so I decided I would just take her. I told Mia to hurry while I put Adan in his car seat. She was taking her sweet time so I took over and she threw a tantrum. She didn't want me to help her. She wouldn't get up from the floor and I told her I was going to leave her thinking she would follow, but she didn't. I had the carrier, my purse and the keys in my hand and she never came down that dumb, narrow staircase. So I was upset that we would be late to school. I went back upstairs and she had already taken off a shoe and a sock. I was mad. I couldn't find the other shoe. I looked for it and couldn't find where she had taken it off. I just took the other shoe and sock off and put on her sandals and all this time she is still crying and screaming. I wasn't happy, but she finally realized I wasn't going to put up with it any longer and she followed. We got to school at exactly 9 am, which is when school starts! We hadn't said a word that whole drive and when Velani finally got off I apologized to Mia. I don't know how to keep my cool in situations like those. I get stressed out and frustrated and I cry, but I do apologize when I make a mistake and realize I could have handled things differently. Know I just have to learn how to actually handle things differently before I start yelling or screaming. I talked to her and I let her know that I love her. She smiled at me and of course I cried!
Anyways, another guilt moment came later that afternoon. It was time to pick up Velani. I was on the phone with my mom and we were about to hang up and I told her it was about time to go pick Velani up. Mia was watching a movie and I told her we needed to go pick her sister up and she said she didn't want to because she wanted to keep watching her movie. For a split second I thought she'll be ok here, but I immediately said, "No". I told her we needed to go. She got up and we left. For the past few days I have been at the bus stop for more that 20 min. waiting for her because the bus is supposed to be there by 4, but has arrived around 4:25-4:35. So I thought this time I would leave the house at 4:15 and get there at 4:20. BAD MISTAKE! That little incident with Mia took another 3 extra minutes and when we walk around the corner of the house I can see all the way down the street where the bus stops and it wasn't there and no one was there. It was about 4:24 PM and the bus had come earlier. I knew that Velani was ok. I don't know if I mentioned it before, but that bus driver lady won't let any of the kids off if they don't see their parents. The bus had already turned down the street where we live and was waiting for me. All this time I was feeling AWFUL and nervous! She opens the doors and Velani comes out of the bus. First, I thank her and then I apologize! She said she hadn't seen me so she just waited. Velani was upset. She asked me why I had been late and told me that all of her friends had left. She said she had looked out the window and didn't see me there. I can only imagine how she felt when she didn't see me there. I apologized to her and told her that I had brought her a cheese stick, she immediately changed her attitude and her reaction was priceless. She smiled and said," Oh, thank you mami!" I still couldn't believe it, I still felt bad. I kept wondering why all these things were happening to me. I really thought we would be on time and I even grabbed her a cheese stick knowing she would react exactly the same way she did when I told her about it even when I was late.
My daughters are great and so forgiving. I wouldn't forgive myself that easily. I have to try and be a better mommy and never, NEVER let this happen again. I don't ever want to feel the way I did and don't want Velani to ever have to look out her window and not see me there again.
This morning a lady reminded me how I felt yesterday. She was nice and all, but she told me that she noticed I wasn't there to pick up Velani on time and that the driver is really good about not letting the children get down if the parents aren't there and that she drove her closer to where we live. I asked her what time she had arrived and she said 4:20. Those must have been the longest 4 min for Velani.
I guess my mom was right when we spoke earlier on the phone and told me that everyone would know Velani at school. First, with the whole speaking up on the first day of school then, being at the nurse's office everyday, being late to the bus stop, being the last to be picked up from the bus stop and lastly, being moved to another desk in her classroom!
To be continued....
1 comment:
STEFANI ARGUETA THOMPSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Post a Comment